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Nurses release their Christmas charity single eight months early



After the rejection of the latest pay offer by members, and in anticipation of strikes until the end of the year, the nurses union has just released its charity Christmas single, eight months early.


A spokesperson said that the money from sales of the single will be used to help nurses with their food and energy bills.


The charity single is a reworking of the 12 days of Christmas and celebrates daily life in the NHS. The lyrics are as follows


On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Twelve lawsuits coming

Eleven MPs sniping

Ten doctors beeping

No pay financing

Eight nurses wilting

Seven bedpans brimming

Six patients paying

Five cold meals

Four bawling babs

Three French SRNs

Two rubber gloves

And a single doctor left in A&E


The nurses union explained that the song is ‘just a bit of fun’ and that NHS patients should not expect to see ten doctors when they visit hospital, unless there is a picket line. They also wanted to make clear that NHS food is usually served hot (or lukewarm for meetings about pay negotiations) and is very nutritious. The reference to five cold meals is about the food at weekends and bank holidays, when another tray of sandwiches and a banana can feel a bit disappointing.



First published 23 April 2023


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Race on for Tories' choice of GE campaign song

News has leaked that the Tories have set up a new secret think tank, known as W-Tank, under the chairmanship of William Hague. Its task is to select the campaign song to lead the Party to victory in the upcoming general election.


Hague began with the amusing story that during his campaign he had to order all his team to remove from their mobile ringtones the theme from Mission Impossible. Think positive was the order of the day but songs like We Are The Champions & Simply The Best were dismissed as too clichéd and easily stolen by Labour. Likewise Won't Get Fooled Again, though everyone liked the line, Meet the new boss – same as the old boss.


Cameron's personal suggestion, Coward of the County was immediately ruled out when someone read the lyrics. One member was deeply disappointed when his suggestion Hole in the Ground was deemed too niche.


Then a buss of excitement swept the room. Yes! people said, retro-ironic enough for the yoof vote and perfect for the core pensioners. Speculation broke out over whether they could be thawed out from a cryogenic chamber or if the scratchy old vinyls would be OK. One member said he knew of a company in Rwanda which could produce shiny new remasters on state-of-the-art CDs.


Whatever, the firm favourite pro tem is Miki & Griff's version of A Little Bitty Tear Let Me Down.




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