Shapps plans to build wind turbines in space

In an astonishing reveal, Business Secretary Grant Shapps has declared that the UK will build, assemble and, if necessary, operate wind turbines in space.

'Everyone knows it isn't feasible to construct wind turbines on land,' a spokesman for Mr Shapps said today, 'which is why they have been assembled on floating factories in the North Sea for the last decade.' He went on to say the floating factories had caused the designs to swell and they were now too big even for floating construction sites, hence the plan to build and operate them in space.

'Mr Shapps is looking for investors in this fantastic opportunity. Just £500 buys you a chance to sell this opportunity to maybe 500 other investors,' said a Mr Michael Green who claimed he had just bought in to the scheme and deemed it 'wonderful'.

Image: rauschenberger | Pixabay"

Artemis discovers how the solar system was developed

Rift in space-time continuum caused by Corbyn

The UK is heading into the longest recession on record because of Jeremy Corbyn, it can be revealed. Other malign effects of the man include soaring energy prices, rising immigration, high interest rates and there being nothing good to watch on TV.

“All makes sense when you put it like that”, said Reg, 54, a cretin from Hull. “I’ve never really thought much about the spacetime continuum, but everything was fine before Corbyn. Stands to reason, doesn’t it?”

“He might have a rapidly rotating black hole inside him”, a Conservative spokesman suggested. “Or maybe he’s a Time Lord. The details aren’t important. What matters is that Corbyn bends time and space in unusual ways. Interest rates, energy prices and immigration numbers are all affected by what we’re calling the Corbyn Chasm. Remember: a vote for Keir Starmer is a vote for a Dalek invasion. And they’re even worse than Albanians”.

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Image: Pixabay/Genty