Grauniad anticipates more misprunts if Tennessee Department of Corrections contract ends

A woman who has been on deaf row for 60% of her life was due to be executed on Wednesday unless a clemency hearing aids her chance of a reprieve or the drugs were found to be past their sell-by date.

Newsbiscuit understands from our USAI reporter that the Grauniad had a contract with the Tennessee Department of Corrections, which would end if the woman tasked with making the corrections is executed.

Luckily for the pupula nudespaper it doesn't appere to be in much risk at the moment.

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Rochdale Man Tells Of His Heartbreak Over Reform Rejection

A semi-literate Rochdale man has broken his silence over the heartbreak of failing to be selected as a Reform candidate in the local elections.

Ian Kerlot, 37, took the unusual step of pleading his case by writing an open letter to Nigel Farage, reproduced below.

'Deer Mr Fromage

I wanna be a counseler or a mp for refom coz I beleve we have to stop the boats and stop forreners taiking are jobs a claming benefits. I didnt go to scool much and hav no qolificasions and i thort that wood count aggenst me but i was amaized to be turned down coz i dont have a crinimal record. I reely wanna make are country grate aggen and i will do anythink to do it so i am gonna beet me misses up or drive a car at a woke lefty / will have to steel it tho coz i ent got a lisens. Plees have a word coz hating forreners is all i have in life.

They shud speek gud Ingurlish like me.

Yorz, Ian Kerlot'

We tried to contact Mr Farage for a comment, but he's famously publicity shy and just like his hero Donald Trump he is currently shitting himself.

Author: cliveoseman

Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

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