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Train strikes have rendered the punchlines to classic jokes inaccurate and the revised alternatives just aren’t as funny. The popular joke asking what’s white and yellow and goes at sixty miles an hour is now; what’s white and yellow and goes at zero miles an hour? A striking train driver's egg sandwich.


A sandwich travelling very fast is an amusing image. A stationary sandwich is not. A fast egg sandwich is also likely to produce an eggy waft of scent, a static sandwich much less so.


A joke which often pops out of a Christmas cracker is How do you weigh a whale? Take him to a whaleweigh (railway) station! This joke now requires an addendum stating; there’s no point taking him to a whaleweigh (railway) station on Thursday or Saturday, because of the strikes.


This isn’t amusing, it’s just a potentially wasted journey with a big mammal of uncertain tonnage.


The punchline of there isn’t one, we’ve had to send the toffee by road instead, is a crap punchline to the popular confectionery joke what do you call a train full of toffee? This used to be a chew chew train! And was enjoyed by all ages.


The joke what is a train driver’s favourite footwear? Platform shoes! Is also not working very well but that’s because platform shoes were a popular shoe choice in the 1970s but not now, although since strikes have come back into fashion in a big way, maybe the platform shoe will too.


First published 17 Aug 2022



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The Health Secretary has said that he won't negotiate with doctors on pay, but that he can look at other areas, such as working conditions.


Wes Streeting is now expected to offer junior doctors a new service to help them find well paid jobs abroad.


'It's widely known that the NHS is losing doctors to other countries,' said a spokesman.  'Many doctors can double their salaries in Australia and benefit from better weather and better beaches, although the downsides include poisonous spiders and aggressive cricket fans.


'Our new government-backed scheme will help doctors who think they are underpaid to find a bigger paycheck.  We aim to help the most militant and strike prone doctors to fulfil their potential by working somewhere else, like Gaza, perhaps.  We reckon they'll miss the dynamic environment of the NHS, by which I mean too many patients, not enough doctors, and ever-changing policies.


We are happy to support this new service because our research shows that most doctors who go abroad will be back within two weeks.  I wonder if Thomas Cook were the right people to do that work?'


Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash

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