Norfolk man arrested following unfortunate birthday blunder

Reports suggest a Norfolk man has been arrested on his birthday, after mistaking a police detail arriving at his residence, to be an elaborate stripogram act. It's understood that on seeing officers, one of whom was female, the man said, 'Phwoar. Hot totty for the birthday boy. Wing-ding.'

There then followed a kerfuffle that wouldn't have been out of place in popular sitcom Only Fools and Horses when the man is further alleged to have roared, 'Come on luv, let's get to it. I'll come quietly,' as he tried to rip open the female officer's tunic.

He was then quickly manhandled by the other officers, bundled into the back of a squad car and driven off at speed. Norfolk police has since released a brief statement confirming there has been an incident and a sixty-six year old man is under investigation. Further details will follow.

Image: Pixabay AI Generated

Fire Brigade to scale back firefighting aspect of its role

The Fire Brigade, which was today praised for the progress it’s made in reducing racism, sexism and all other isms within its ranks, has announced that it’s going to focus on this - and stripping - in future rather than putting out fires.

'The Mayor of London has made it clear to me that this is the priority now,' said Chief Fire Officer Steve Makeweight today. 'It’s a different world, and we have to change with the times.

'And since these new guidelines don’t come with any new funding, they shouldn’t be surprised if we can’t devote so much time to putting out fires in future.'

He went on to say that he welcomed these new priorities because 'they’re much less expensive than actual firefighting.

'After all, you don’t need protective equipment to sit through endless meetings about diversity and sexist language in the workplace. They don’t make a suit that can protect you from condescension and mind-melting tedium.'

'Anyone physically able to be a fireman will be asked to become a fireman-stripper instead.'

Image: WixAI