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BTS to go solo, but BS still going strong




Unlike the South Korean boy band, the concept of bull$hit is still riding high in every conceivable metric. The BS manager said: 'We'll be touring war torn Ukraine with our own brand of platitudes, and bull$hit; plus we have a double album of bull$hit coming out - called the Sue Gray report'.


BS shot to the top of the charts with their genre-defining bull$hit - called 'Brexit dividends and ten reasons why I love you'. They followed it up with the singles 'BS excuses', 'BS jobs' and 'BS refereeing decisions'.


BS said: 'We have no plans to go solo, especially as so many politicians want to collaborate with us'


Sue Gray report to focus on occasions where there were no parties at Number 10




Sue Gray has announced that her report is into lockdown parties at 10 Downing Street is going to be considerably shorter than expected, as she has decided just to report the times where there was no piss ups.


'Looks it is going to be a lot easier doing it this way, isn't it?' said Gray . 'We can focus on the exceptions rather than the general rule. The times when the PM was seemingly sat at his desk, getting on with the job in hand and sticking to lockdown laws. It'll save me loads of time, and the taxpayer millions in paper costs'.


The single page report, scheduled to be published later this week is thought to be titled '18th November, 11am- 12 noon', although Gray admitted that this may still change, if new evidence comes to light.



Sue Gray concludes: It's not a party without a conga line





The investigation proved that it was impossible to have a party without streamers and at least one girl crying on a staircase, mumbling something about all men are bastards. 'The gatherings that the PM and Keir Starmer attended were in no way parties. Mainly because no self respecting party would invite those two.


'For it to be considered a halfway decent party, there needs to be jelly and tequila shots. No one sung 'My Way'. And not one person chundered in the Downing Street shrubbery.


'The only feature that this has in common with a normal party, is that no one can remember any of the details'.


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