Prominent Youtuber Explains Current Heatwave

Youtuber Arthur Brain has posted a video explaining to his three million subscribers just why the third heatwave of the UK summer is proof that his theory is correct and the bunkum about global warming spouted by 'scientists' is pure fantasy

Brain, 19, maintains that the sun has actually been moved closer to Earth by God because too many people moaned about the cold.

'It's obvious' he said, 'The sun was a safe distance of 93 miles from Earth and has been moved 5 miles and is now only 88 miles away. Try looking at it. You can't, can you? It appears so much brighter than it used to be. Scientists claim that it is 93 MILLION miles away. How absurd. Do they really think it would be visible from 93 million miles away? 

And how on Earth could they measure that distance? They must think we're stupid. To see it from 93 million miles away you would have to at least use a telescope and crane your neck. The ONLY way to get God to put the Sun back in its usual place is to pray to him begging forgiveness for scientists, and to send me money in order that I can continue to expose the lies.'

image from Google Gemini

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Climate change 'no longer deniable' as sun comes out in Aberdeen

Scientists studying anthropogenic climate change say they now have incontrovertible evidence proving the truth of the theory - the sun has come out in Aberdeen.

'When it’s 40 degrees in London and the South East, there’ll always be people saying it’s just a heatwave, doesn’t prove anything.

”But when the sun comes out in Aberdeen, you know you’ve reached a point where our traditional understanding of climate is broken, and we’re in uncharted territory.'

Reports say the natives of Aberdeen reacted in terror to the big yellow apparition in the sky, some worshipping it as a god. while others took refuge in traditional sources of comfort, such as deep fried foods, whisky and intravenous drugs.

The authorities say it was lucky the sun wasn’t out long enough to dry out the puddles or damp stains on the walls, or they couldn’t be responsible for how people would have reacted.

Image: ChatGPT (edited)

Warm sunshine and lack of drizzle slows the advance of Mancunian Burnham

Keir Starmer's grip on power has proved more slippery than a Peter Mandelson background check.  Starmer has the look of a man with his own dark grey Mancunian rain cloud permanently drizzling on him - and with good reason. 

Scientists now believe that if Sir Keir was accidentally exposed to direct sunlight, he would melt faster than his own waxwork. However, a recent spell of hot weather has helped Starmer out, as the Armies of the North find UV intolerable. The sun is the natural enemy of rain-loving Mancunians, whilst The Sun is the natural enemy of Liverpudlians and journalism and basic human decency. 

Meanwhile, King Burnham has faced criticism for not articulating any actual policies beyond simply being Mayor of Manchester. A parka-wearing spokesman shook a tambourine, and sneered into his microphone, 'You could wait for a lifetime to spend your time in the sunshine...  Some might say that sunshine follows thunder. Go and tell it to the man who cannot shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine,' before adding,  'You're twisting my melons man! Heaven knows Keir Starmer's miserable now. Andy Burnham is the resurrection, and he is the light.' 

Image credit: ChatGPT