Christa Pike immortalised as Marvel superhero

Christa Pike, the Tennessee woman the authorities seem unable to kill, is to be immortalised as a new superhero in the Marvel comic-book pantheon.

Pike, who has been on death row for 30 years following her conviction for the murder of a classmate, was twice subjected to lethal injection. Both times she came round asking herself whether this tableau of doctors and lawmen with their mouths hanging open could really be the afterlife.

After a frantic debate, those present decided it was their constitutional duty to provide medical care for Pike, at least until she was well enough for them to try and kill her again.

'Obviously her superpower will be that she can’t be killed,' explained comic book nerd Dwight Scabies. 'Not with poison, anyhow. Though I guess if they ever write a story where she’s released from prison, maybe gun violence or the American diet will get her.'

Severely brain-damaged and dependent on artificial aids to maintain even the most basic sentient activity, Donald Trump is nevertheless President of the United States.

Image credit: Wix AI

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Trump warns Iran ‘we haven’t even called on our superheroes yet’

US President Donald Trump has warned Iran that unless they surrender unconditionally to his demands he will start sending American superheroes over to the Gulf to end the war.

Trump said he would not hesitate in sending comic book heroes to finish the war that Iran had definitely started.

White House sources said Superman, Captain America and Wonder Woman could be sent to the Middle East within days and the Fantastic Four and Spider Man would be kept on standby if backup was needed.

Trump said he had regularly seen DC Universe and Marvel Comic heroes fighting for America in the movies and had been impressed by their 100% success rates in thwarting any bad guys who threatened US interests.

Superheroes have kept American citizens safe for over 80 years and their patriotism combined with a sense of citizenship and moral fortitude in protecting the flag would send shock waves across Iran and force the supreme leader to back down.

The president added there were already plans in place for creating a new superhero with special powers to take down Iran’s Revolutionary Guard

MAGA Man’s special powers would include terrorising small children, deporting people with brown skin and the ability to frack for oil using just his bare hands.

‘And if we can get Japan to send Godzilla to intercept Iranian drone missiles and Africa to send King Kong to protect the Strait of Hormuz we could have this war wrapped up in time for a round of golf in the morning’.

Image: solihinkentjana - Pixabay

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Infected blood scandal fails to create any superheroes

Comic book nerds have been wondering how soon it will not be in bad taste to wonder why the infected blood scandal has failed to yield any superheroes, or at least superhero films.

Gary Grimthwaite said 'Renegade Doctors? Government cover ups? It's like the origin story is writing itself. Let's be honest, Marvel would have made an entire Cinematic Universe and probably a billion dollars out of this.'

'And on the subject of infected blood, 28 Days Later is getting another sequel, 28 Years Later, which is coincidentally a lot quicker than any of the victims are going to see any compensation.'

Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'Apologies are free, so there'll be lots of those. Rishi says if we spin it out long enough, the people eligible for actual compensation will be dead - kerching! He said if we really spin it out, everyone will be dead, so nothing really matters. I think the upcoming election wipe-out is getting to him.'

There was good news, however, as some of the apologies from government ("Soz, Rishi x") and NHS bosses have healed many of those made sick and in some cases, even brought the dead back to life.

Hootington-Hurst interrupted 'Sorry did that guy say a billion dollars? Hang on a minute Rishi, I've got a great idea.'

Image: Superhero Monster Superman - Free photo on Pixabay - Pixabay

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