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Watching men in great physical shape run around doing the footballing for five and a half weeks has led to an increase in viewers' snacking across the participating nations. The manufacturing of synchronously packaged foodstuffs to accompany the televisual footy feast has far surpassed that of any previous tournament and experts predict that by 2056 there will be breaks in the sporting action every fifteen minutes to allow the players to eat a little tie-in treat.


In the semi-final of snacks, the net bags of red wax covered mild mini cheeses with flags on (a note for the English, superstitiously eating your home country last has not been enough to occasion a win, a new strategy is needed next time) faced off against the doughnuts with a green icing football pitch on. The sausage and mash flavoured potato crisps met with the sour fizzy jelly football/trophy/glove/ball shaped sweets. Meeting in the final were the doughnuts and the fizzy sweets. In a tense battle of thoughtful mastication, the doughnuts won!


Should anyone feel they haven’t eaten enough of the promotional high fat and high sugar comestibles they will be appearing in your local B&M for the next year. Yum!


Image: WixAI



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A Warrington man has described his sense of bafflement on discovering a complete dearth of chocolate oranges, mince pies, alcoholic drinks and confectionery.


'I went to the usual place', he told reporters 'but there were just a couple of little Bounties. I don't like them. Nobody does. I think they only include them as a desperation test'.


Scientists have described the state of his cupboards as 'normal' and suggested something called 'normality' - an interesting concept but unlikely to catch on.


Search engines have reported millions of queries of 'How long till next Christmas?' alongside questions about career moves and offers to swap little Bounties for something edible.


The next Bank Holiday is expected in around 40 years' time.


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