The government has decided that this year, tax inspectors will follow Santa Claus and assess the value each present delivered before imposing appropriate VAT and import duty on it. The inspectors will also measure the distance covered by Santa's sleigh and calculate the mileage charge payable.
This is before visiting Santa's workshop and checking the elves' timesheets and wage slips before imposing the correct employer's NI and pension contributions. Officials will also check the working conditions (including working hours, workplace temperatures, hygiene conditions and health-and-safety situation), imposing appropriate fines and other financial penalties where there are any deficiencies.
Amazon are reported to be considering making a bid for the takeover of the entire Santa Claus enterprise, after the CEO, Mr Claus, was overheard saying 'Oh, bollosck to all this. I may as well not exist!'
(A merry Christmas to all our readers. Ho ho flippin' ho.)
Image: geralt - Pixabay
A brand in an industry notorious for failing on the one thing it is supposed to do, has finally achieved more than one star on Drunkpilot.
'When it comes to delivering goods to clients in prison, we can't be beaten,' confirmed Sam Pell, head of incarcerated customer satisfaction at Amazon Crime. 'We have a 100% success rate in not deliberately leaving packages with a neighbour.'
Industry watchdog, Amazon Crimewatch UK, are critical, however. 'Firstly, their target market have a tendency to be in. Secondly, they're criminals with a horrendous track record in tax evasion who have no right to run a delivery service.'