Last night, new heartthrob PM, Andy Burnham revealed plans to level out Tooth Fairy payments to gap-mouthed pre-teens.
"For too long this country has been running a two tier system," he told reporters. "Wealthy children have been receiving much higher payments for their milk teeth than their working class counterparts. It is unfair that this postcode lottery gets a child living below the breadline 50 pence for a tooth, whereas the kids in the nice houses near the park get notes. The Tories should never have privatised this industry and re-nationalisation of the Tooth Fairy will happen during the next Parliament."
Mr Burnham refused to take questions but did leave journalists with this comment: "And don't even get me started on Father Christmas"
A spokesperson for Tooth Fairy plc said that shareholders would fight any attempt to renationalise the service, adding that "the fairy pays for quality, and pristine, white teeth fetch a lot more on the open market than the brown rotten teeth from the kids who live in the flats."
Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here.
