Syria enters era of peace and stability...just like Iraq

As the Assad regime falls, Syria is on the cusp of an age of tranquility, if by tranquility you mean years of terrorist conflict and indiscriminate mayhem. Said one Syrian: 'It's just nice to get rid of one psychotic dictator, so we can start on the next.'

Rebel forces quickly went about liberating prisons and freeing torture victims, to make room for all the prisoners they would have to torture. They refused to say if they would open slave markets like 'liberated' Libya, but pointed out that without slaves how would the next iPhone get built?

Victorious Hayat Tahrir al-Sham (HTS) promised an end to violence* *Terms and conditions apply. While the UK was asked why it now supported a terrorist group of religious fanatics, a confused Minister replied: 'We have always supported the US.'

Photo by Peter Pryharski on Unsplash

Portsmouth harbouring Hezbollah terrorists, says Southampton

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Pager terrorists to target Teasmades

It is thought that Israel is specifically attacking Hezbollah from the 1980s. One Mossad agent confirmed: 'If we go back in time, we can kill our enemies before they are even born. We got the idea from an episode of Quantum Leap.'

Citizens of Lebanon have been warned that their floppy discs could be poisoned and that their VHS machine could be packed with explosives. A Minister advised: 'Throw away your Sony Walkman. Not because it is dangerous, but because you look stupid. It's 2024, ffs!'

With thousands injured in the attacks, academics in the area are nervously packing away their overhead projectors. Wannabee rappers are discarding their boomboxes. Said one teenager: 'If I knew they were attacking old tech, I'd have never invested in the latest iTypewriter.'

Picture credit: Wix AI