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Palitoy shareholders are anticipating a significant sales boost for their Action Man toy after Acton Man met with Stevenage Woman at a dogging site north of Potters Bar and agreed to work together to see the Conservative party out of power.

Such is the excitement at the potential sales growth, that Palitoy will be launching Stevenage Woman as a plug and play accessory toy to their Action Man range in a similar way that Ken became a Barbie accessory toy.


It is hoped that Stevenage Woman will be in the shops in time for Christmas provided that Palitoy is able to come to a compromise with their lesbian and trans workers over how the toys are to me marketed. The Palitoy sales team think this may be possible if the toys are sold as a multipack with two Stevenage Women, a trans Action Man and a BBC Action Man, although they are are anxious to ensure this one doesn't look at all like Philip Schofield.


Newsbiscuit approached the Mary Whitehouse Foundation for their view on the mulipack and were told it completely approves of the concept of having male dolls to accompany female dolls as it supports their family values ideology, but they hoped the toys would come with a warning that children should avoid having the couple with the BBC male figure live next door to the white couple.


A spokesdominatrix for ITV told us it would be a brilliant way for children hoping for a career in advertising or writing crap sitcoms, to have Stevenage Woman and BBC couple as toys to imagine scenarios for an updated remake of Love Thy Neighbour and coffee commercials in which the couple from next door knock to ask if their neighbours can spare a spoonful or two of coffee as well as being up for a bit of lesbian and cuckold fun.

image from pixabay



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Following the plot structure of the 2010 movie Inception with Leonardo DiCaprio, half of Uxbridge has bent upwards towards the sky and then folded back over to a point which seems surreal, but is oddly compelling.


A slight majority of residents are unable to follow the plot of a Peppa Pig episode, never mind the complexities of a Christopher Nolan film. Unable to process the meaning of a Cobb's totem which has been spinning perpetually since 2015, they elected to stick with a Conservative MP because perpetual spin is something they keep being told is good for them.


A local woman who wasn't still being smashed in the face by a Conservative Party activist said, 'Uxbridge sounds lovely, but look at the state of it. Anyone who comes to live here willingly is a white ghillie suit short of a tundra scenario.'


Unable to wake up from a nightmare within a nightmare, the people of Uxbridge are now left in a zero G van crash going over the side of a garden bridge in sloooooooow motion.





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Cheeky Geordie phone-in scammers Ant and Dec are rebooting things from the 1990s, with Rishi Sunak anxious to get the Tory Party in on the act.


Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said ‘The 1990s were a time when the Tory party was paralysed by debate over Europe, TV shows like Friends were whiter than a dinner party at Nigel Farage’s house and there was a war in Eastern Europe. Scandal back then meant a male Tory MP asphyxiating themselves in a hotel room wearing stockings and suspenders with a tangerine in their mouth. Good clean fun. Rishi’s 90s nostalgia is hoping for a Tory electoral performance as good as 1997 because at least there will still be some Tory MPs left.’


An Ant and Dec spokesman said ‘Matt Hancock went in the jungle. ITV would like to apologise for the fact he got out.’


image from pixabay



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