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Conservatives want people to stop talking about last 13 years


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MPs from an anonymous political party have said they are fed up with people banging on about the last 13 years. 



"It's time to move on", said Rishi S., who prefers to remain anonymous. "It's not the time, and never will be, to look at what's happened in the past or to think about what it used to like. For god's sake, don't do that."



When asked if would be standing on his record at the next election, Mr S. replied; "First of all, I am standing already. Secondly, yes I will be representing a political party or parties unknown, and I certainly won't be standing on a record, but I will be on a box."


Impartial Ian Botham brought in to host Match Of The Day


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Integrity. Back bone. Balance. Just some of the things which have gone missing at the BBC.


Impartial Tory Party donors running Perverted Uncle Beeb have hit back just the once, not unlike Stanley Johnson. 'All BBC staff must remain completely impartial. The viewing public must be reassured that there is no political bias in anything they say or do. Employees should take a leaf out of Alan Sugar's toilet roll. Or the late, great Conservative campaigner Jimmy Savile.


'We have ourselves taken the only right decision, benching Gary Lineker for his disgraceful lefty liberal wokerati pinko bitch imbalance. It is not the job of anyone at the BBC to criticise this government. To that end, the very impartial Ian Botham will be brought in to host Match Of The Day this weekend. Ultimately, we think that the completely impartial Andrew Neil is the right man for the job. The show will be renamed Thatch Of The Day. And that's nothing to do with his hair.


'Ultimate bastion of impartiality, Nigel Farage will host Playschool, and the always balanced Jacob Rees-Mogg will do the news.'


Other Match Of The Day presenters have stood in solidarity with Gary Lineker, walking off the show. A colleague with more bias towards Newcastle than Lineker has towards crisps said, 'The only mistake Gary made was comparing government policy to Germany in the 1930s. He should have compared it to Russia in the 2020s.'



If you have been affected by any of the issues in this article, please contact NewsBiscuit and we will give all of you at the BBC your own voice to speak out against the tyranny of your far-right overlords.




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