- apepper
- Jan 12, 2023
The entire parliamentary Conservative party has had the party whip removed.
"They all know what they've done.", explained a grim faced Craig Whittaker, former chief whip. "I don't think the party wants to be associated with any of them. Mr Whittaker is believed to be wrestling with the problem of who can restore the whip if they don't have any MPs.
Rishi Sunak, now an independent Prime Minister, was asked if he would consider standing again. "I am standing.", said an irritated Sunak.
In a blow to the Government, Yougov has announced that snowmen recently made in gardens up and down the country are more likely to be elected than most Conservative MPs.
Veteran MP, Peter Bone, reacted, but almost no one could understand what he was guffing on about. An interpreter of drivel had a crack, but this is the best she could do: 'This is ridiculous; since we left the EU, we've been enjoying continuous summer, so how could there be any snowmen in any case? If you'll excuse me, I'm off to the beach.'
Number 10 downplayed down the threat, saying, 'Carrots are expected to cost £28 each in January, so who'll be able to afford snowmen?'
Mr Gove's plan to open a new coalmine now looks like a spectacular own goal.