Tories: 'Burn down country, claim National Insurance money'
National Insurance contributions are being increased, in a move likely to be popular with Conservatives, as it disproportionately targets the young and lower earners, two groups least able to pay and who would be insufficiently targeted by tax rises. Tax rises are triggering for Tories as they can lead to wealthier people paying more and even election defeats. Cries of ‘Oh yeah, stick it in my veins’ could clearly be heard emerging from 1922 Committee types all over Westminster.
Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst snorted: ‘An essential piece of Johnsonian disaster capitalism is that you need to cause as many disasters as possible. This Tory government is doing its best to burn the country to the ground so that we can claim National Insurance money. That’s how it works, right? Increased social care? No, that doesn’t sound very 'on-brand' for us.’