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E Viva España as Boris takes a well-earned post-party conference break in the sunshine



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Heartening news has emerged today that the man who has his hand on the tiller of the good ship UK, PM Boris Johnson, has rewarded himself with a nice sunny break on the Costa del Sol.


A source close to the vacillating fool said: 'Well, it's been a tough stretch for the PM. Do you know he's had to don over 70 Hi Vis jackets since mid July? Yes, true. Add to that the 17,000 or more fist bumps and or handshakes he's performed in the same time; well that takes its toll too. And that's before we even consider the many furtive goosings he's helped himself to whenever opportunities were presented.


'He's completely worn out, what with running the nation with a fist of iron, and I don't think we should begrudge him a little break. He's been under the greatest pressure imaginable, indeed more so than any other British leader since Churchill.


'For a man who revels in self-promotion and craves adulation, hiding himself away from the public for lengthy periods has been difficult. Do you think he actually likes to be seen keeping his head down, or being exposed as not being on top of his brief? No, he most certainly does not. But these are difficult times we're living through and sometimes it's a simple matter of needs must.'


image pixabay/kookay




First published 13 Oct 2021


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That Kemi Badenoch speech in full

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'Yes, hooray, we now have a policy and it's a big juicy one.


'After months in the wilderness with no policies, the Tories are back, with a bang.


'Not health, not justice, not education, not tax. No. This policy is about planning. The policy is no change of use for hotels without planning permission. This is an absolute game changer. This will win an avalanche of votes.  It's not anti-immigrant or anti-asylum-seeker.  It's not pandering to white working class poor people.  This is about the proper use of the planning system.


'No need for any other policies. No need to be a thoughtful and challenging opposition to the government. No need to fear scary Nigel any more. Gamechanger!


'Do I think that people will notice that we are opportunistic, mean-spirited and morally bankrupt. No. People are smarter than that.


'Do I think that people will notice that we don't have anything useful to offer on any of the big issues of the day. Yes. But who cares. The election is ages away.'



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