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Curry Mallet, a village of 302 in southern Somerset, has broken ranks with the rest of England’s small settlements by announcing publicly that it does not want drivers to go through it whether they drive carefully or not. A sign to this effect was put up at the entry to the village last night.
Some analysts now fear that many other harrassed hamlets may follow suit. Potentially it might lead to the worst outbreak of rural off-handness since 1976, when a dissident group of Suffolk villages asked tour coaches if they wouldn’t mind awfully not parking in the lanes by their manor houses.
‘I’m fed up with doing the polite middle-class thing,’ Curry Mallet told reporters at a press conference last night. ‘Are these townie muppets interested in my Norman church? Are they even stopping for a reasonably priced lunch at the Dog & Partridge? Are they bollocks. They’re just cutting through me to get to the bright lights of Taunton.’
Instead of welcoming careful drivers the village has erected a new sign aimed at passing motorists which simply reads: ‘Polite Notice: F*@k Off’.
Updated: Dec 17, 2021
Forced to film in this country because of travel restrictions, 2021 has seen every inch of the UK traversed by Z-listers, walking/cycling/driving on all expense jollies, trampling all before them as they discover the hidden gems/coasts/food of this wonderful country of ours.
At least it would be wonderful if motorists weren’t being buzzed by the now obligatory camera drones, and if the roads weren’t cluttered by celeb and film crew vehicles, plus best-friend/offspring/someone-who-just-happens-to-share-the-same-agent, wittering inanely about how this trip means so-much/rediscovering-the-past/raking-in-some-much-needed-cash.
Any craftsperson/artisan-baker/dying-art-exponent has had their workplace disrupted while they demonstrate their skill to an ungrateful production team who simply want a comedic/poignant/filler few minutes while the has-been tries it for themselves/comedic-effect/2-minutes-maximum.
Expect travel restrictions to the continent maintained next year, not because of Covid but simply to keep out the inevitable influx of British TV nonentities keen to escape a UK that’s been travelogued to death.
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