Train Strikes Causing Classic Jokes To Fail

Train strikes have rendered the punchlines to classic jokes inaccurate and the revised alternatives just aren’t as funny. The popular joke asking what’s white and yellow and goes at sixty miles an hour is now; what’s white and yellow and goes at zero miles an hour? A striking train driver's egg sandwich.

A sandwich travelling very fast is an amusing image. A stationary sandwich is not. A fast egg sandwich is also likely to produce an eggy waft of scent, a static sandwich much less so.

A joke which often pops out of a Christmas cracker is How do you weigh a whale? Take him to a whaleweigh (railway) station! This joke now requires an addendum stating; there’s no point taking him to a whaleweigh (railway) station on Thursday or Saturday, because of the strikes.

This isn’t amusing, it’s just a potentially wasted journey with a big mammal of uncertain tonnage.

The punchline of there isn’t one, we’ve had to send the toffee by road instead, is a crap punchline to the popular confectionery joke what do you call a train full of toffee? This used to be a chew chew train! And was enjoyed by all ages.

The joke what is a train driver’s favourite footwear? Platform shoes! Is also not working very well but that’s because platform shoes were a popular shoe choice in the 1970s but not now, although since strikes have come back into fashion in a big way, maybe the platform shoe will too.

First published 17 Aug 2022

www.newsbiscuit.com

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

Earth to be Recycled

Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours

15 Years of Typos

Lego to Replace Bitcoins

Rail services on the island of Sodor nationalised

After the government nationalised c2c railways last week, the next operator on the list is the North Western Railway, which runs all the rail services on the island of Sodor. It will also become part of Great British Railways, set up by the government to oversee the rail system in England, Wales and Scotland.

Transport Secretary Heidi Alexander said passengers had been suffering under-investment and waste, because the rail operator for Sodor had not been living in the real world.

The Minister said public ownership would tackle ‘deep-rooted problems’ experienced on the railway. Recent incidents have included trains stuck in tunnels, trains simply refusing to move, and various other bizarre incidents. Customer service has suffered because the rail company only has one replacement bus, called Bertie. She noted that the safety record of the Sodor railways are ‘very alarming’ and ‘a national embarrassment’. In addition, the remuneration of the Fat Controller was quite obviously far too high. 

Nationalisation will put the railway on track for modernisation, with a new high-speed line, complete with bat tunnels, and due for completion by 2045, subject to funding. There will also be new rolling-stock, to replace the current fleet of steam-driven locomotives, many of which have faces painted on them. The Minister refused to be drawn on the likely costs.

Shadow rail minister Colin FitzJohnson said that the idea that savings could be made by nationalising the railways on Sodor were ‘a complete fiction’.

Picture credit: NightCafe studio AI

King Charles III graciously accepts Royal Replacement Bus Service

.