Treasury will get GPs to do your dishes and then regrout your downstairs loo

Her Majesty's Treasury are pretty sure that General Practitioners would like to take on extra jobs and get out of their surgeries more. 'They must be so bored with the limited levels of diagnosing stuff they haven't had to do in recent years,' grunted a Treasury spokes-elf as it stepped, blinking into the light.

'All we're doing is coming up with bonkers things for Liz Truss to vaguely mumble while she gets everyone else to graft as she sweats bricks putting her feet up. Bone idle and lazy is what everyone else in Britain is. She knows because she got other people to work it out for her while she busily had another cuppa.

'Also, nurses should fill in potholes with leftover semolina, firemen need to get right on the case sweeping down giraffes with toothbrushes, and teachers must go on gruelling quests to find rings which make you invisible.'

Pushed on whether getting GPs to make financial assessments was really foisting Treasury responsibility elsewhere, the response was, 'Lord Treasurer, no. We just fancy a crack at sticking our fingers up your bottoms.'

Image: chefkeem | Pixabay

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First published 24 Aug 2022

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Driving Examiners to take over at the Treasury

The Treasury is to sack all its economists and will replace them with staff from the agency that runs driving tests (the DVSA).

While Treasury officials have watched prices increase by 57% since 2009, the cost of a driving test has remained unchanged since then at £62. This must mean that the driving test folk have found massive cost savings to avoid raising prices. If the cost of a driving test had risen at the same rate as inflation, it would now cost over £97.

Almost everything else that is priced by the government has gone up – passports, prescription charges, rail fares, car tax, fuel duty, stamps – up, up, and UP!

Treasury ministers will task the driving test examiners to work their magic, and tell other government departments how to keep costs DOWN, while still delivering all the services the public expect. Let’s hope they don’t ask the economy to make an emergency stop!

Image: WixAI