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Hilarious new Theatresports game released globally: Transnistria Denial


With firefights erupting in a breakaway region between Ukraine and Moldova, the inventors of Theatresports have proposed a great new improvisational schtick called: 'What the Heck is Happening in Transnistria?' Players respond to that prompt. Ukraine celebrated the announcement and began the game with an ironic response: 'Transnistria can’t be at war with us, because it doesn’t exist. Realistically that land is just a part of Russia.'


Unexpectedly, the Transnistrian head of state then also denied the existence of Transnistria: 'Transnistria is not at war, we are the Pridnestrovian Moldavian Republic.' This upset Moldova, which fired back: 'Leave us out of it. You should really say the Administrative-Territorial Unit of the Left Bank of the Dniester under Russian Occupation. Or ATULBDRO, that’s much easier.'


In Moscow, the Almost as Great Dictator was not sure how to keep the witty repartee going: 'If I recognise a Republic of Transnistria, folk will think our plans to bugger the Black Sea region started way before 2014, like circa 1992 when we started arming those old separatists. But maybe I will… after all, our recognition of the new Donbas republics has gone so beautifully.'


Of course, the Trumpian Republic of Florida Which Totally Exists - Bigly reacted quickly to the moral turpitude of that response: 'Just don’t say Transnistria, it’s not a real thing, it’s either Boynistria or Girlnistria, God has spoken.'


Author: Dogular



First published 30 April 2022


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Johnson only visited Kyiv to scope out local tax laws



Boris Johnson recently visited Ukraine to determine its suitability as somewhere for Tory cabinet ministers and their spouses to be domiciled but obviously not to live.


Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'The Channel and Cayman Islands are a bit passé these days. For elite tax dodging, you've got to start hitting war zones. If you get caught, you disguise it as a photo op with a younger, more charismatic, more popular leader and donate them some weapons.'


'Alternatively you can throw a little shiny-suited strop and demand an inquiry into how your wife's dubious non-dom status leaked and keep the story of you as Scrooge McDuck alive for longer. Rishi can no longer get aroused unless he can see the raw desperation in the eyes of the proletariat. First he lowers his tax liability, then his trousers.'



First published 12 April 2022


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Some war crimes are more 'crimey' than others



With alleged massacres in the Ukraine, the US was quick to label it a war crime, as it takes one to know one: 'Admittedly we've always said the ICC has no jurisdiction and we'd invade the Hague if they investigated our own war crimes, but you know...that was last year and...um...stuff...you know?' With none of the key members of the UN Security Council actual signatories to the ICC, it makes it a little hard to cry wolf when you have been called Wolfy McWolfFace. The US insisted: 'If it happens to white Christians, it's a crime. If it happens to brown folks, it's a reallocation of oil reserves'.




First published 8 April 2022


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