In the same helpful way your grandfather teaches you to inject heroin into your eyeballs, a benevolent UK is sending cancer to the Ukraine. By exporting toxic waste in bullet form, the British are ensuring Ukraine has a bright future - glowing fluorescent green.
Defending his scorched earth policy, the UK Defense Minister said: 'The only way we can defeat Russia is with generations of birth defects. Putin won't want to stay if all the babies are too horrific to look at.'
A Moscow spokesperson remarked: 'This is fiendishly evil...kudos!'
A government which should have been struck off several years ago is still being allowed to mistreat pharmacies.
'We are sick and dying,' croaked Olivia Holt, a pharmacist from Dottingham. 'The government continues to misdiagnose us all with War in Ukraine Syndrome, when we've all got Brexititus. We can't get the drugs for the communities we serve, and that's a bitter pill shortage to swallow.
'Many ticker signs outside chemists are not well enough to display the correct time. Others are showing temperatures which are way too high. This means we are in breach of the Green Cross Code. It's no wonder everyone is feeling rundown.
'Some of us are so close to our demise now, that we are seeing those sunlit uplands.'
photo: https://pixabay.com/users/stevepb-282134/