In the same helpful way your grandfather teaches you to inject heroin into your eyeballs, a benevolent UK is sending cancer to the Ukraine. By exporting toxic waste in bullet form, the British are ensuring Ukraine has a bright future - glowing fluorescent green.
Defending his scorched earth policy, the UK Defense Minister said: 'The only way we can defeat Russia is with generations of birth defects. Putin won't want to stay if all the babies are too horrific to look at.'
A Moscow spokesperson remarked: 'This is fiendishly evil...kudos!'