- Jack the Quipper
- Jul 22, 2023
.
top of page
Search
Washington has finally found a way around the problem of the embarrassing number of octogenarians jostling to become the next resident of the White House. With assistance from the American Kennel Club, each geriatric candidate has been assigned a new canine age.
Congressman Winthrop Stoad III of Georgia, 94, has just entered the contest as a 31-year-old. 'It helps people forget that I've been in Congress since 1948 and voted for Jim Crow laws right through the 1950s,' he explains.
However, candidate Senator Bill Wilks of Massachusetts, 38, is not happy: 'My new age is 10 and my campaign manager has just been arrested for child trafficking.'
Joe Biden is also having problems adjusting to being caninised. 'He's taking the whole dog thing too seriously,' complains one of his aides. 'I wish he'd stop barking and trying to hump my leg.'
- Wrenfoe
- Feb 7, 2023
Having used balloons to infiltrate US air space, China have threatened to employ further party paraphernalia, which includes firing spy drones out a gender reveal cannon. Beijing confirmed: 'We've trained hundreds of clowns to infiltrate the White House. They should blend in perfectly with the usual collection of clowns that work there.
‘Americans rarely question the providence of a spy cameras, provided they have frosting and sprinkles on them. We’re working on audio bugs shaped like mini-pizzas and spy-pens concealed in hot dogs. All of our surveillance equipment will be covered in glitter and any future spy balloons will be shaped like animals.’
One startled American said: 'I was a bit surprised to see a Chinese spy plane flying overhead, but I felt so relieved when I saw it trailing a banner saying ‘Happy 50th, Suzy’.’
image from pixabay
bottom of page