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European leaders ask Japanese to develop 500” and 1,000” TVs

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After peace talks in Yankeeland failed to interest the US President in stopping the war in Ukraine, a new initiative in offering Putin a 500” TV that he can do Zoom call on from his absurdly long desk to offer as an incentive to pull out of Ukraine is hoped might provide the diplomatic solution needed.


A second 1,000” TV to be given to Trump, has also been requested, so he can fall asleep watching golf, with reporters whispering even more quietly at crucial moments, so they don’t wake him up, is expected to help in restoring normality to the world economy.




Celebrity Country Swap

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Channel 4 has pitched a new reality TV show based on the Alaska summit where President Putin humiliated the entire United States in minutes.


'The summit was a great idea,' said a Channel 4 spokesman today, 'but using a tired, washed out former reality presenter to host the show ruined it.


'Our pitch is to repeat the summit but this time to complete the process and exchange whole countries. For example, with Vladimir hosting the show he could swap, say, Ukraine for, I don't know, the Isle of Wight. The Isle of Wight would, obviously, be controlled by Russia because, well that's what Vlad suggested,' he added.





Trump to tax Americans to the hilt to show Putin who is boss

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With the deadline for Russia to finish the war in Ukraine rapidly whizzing past, Trump has doubled down on the Russian President. He has ordered that tariffs (long spelling for import taxes) to be applied 'doubly, bigly and nowly' against non-existent Russian imports into the United States, adding to the huge hike in tariffs set against India for oil sold by India to Russia, presumably as long the oil is sold via the United States. Which it isn't, but hey-ho.


'We'll increase tariffs to one thousand per cent against anyone who says I don't understand how tariffs work,' quoted a spokesperson for the President.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

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