Labour to lower voting age until they find a voter

Having seen his polling numbers tank, the PM is desperate to find any person naïve enough to vote for him. The hope is 16-17 year olds are just young enough not to know any better – or, at the very least, drunk on cheap cider. Allowing teenagers to vote is like giving cats your credit card - okay in principle, but don't complain when they eat all your food and still ignore you. Explained a close aide of Starmer: 'If we're going to conscript them, might as well let them vote.

'Besides, we've pegged the voting age to our popularity. Currently we're at 15%, but we reckon we can go so much lower.' Asked if they thought they would go lower: 'Now that I think about it, I suppose if your country is going to f$ck you, you should be over the age of consent.'

Picture credit: Wix AI

Teachers found to have been inadvertently voting Tory

Research into voting habits among different professions, has thrown up an interesting anomaly, in that teachers have been marking their ballot papers, rather than using them to elect their preferred candidate.

Teacher Jane Plain was shocked to learn that she had voted for decades against her best interests, by marking Tory as the wrong answer, and wondered why nobody had told her she could put a tick against the correct answer.

As part of proposed election reforms, teacher voters will have their ballot papers returned with marks out of 10 with any idiot who voted Tory or Reform, almost certainly getting a 0/10 mark and a “SEE ME!” comment added.

image from pixabay

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Reform vow to give British fish the vote

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