European Sport Contest to be launched

A new European sports competition has been conceived and could start soon. The idea has been tested for years and the name for the new concept has already been registered.

'The name European Sport Contest was chosen after careful consideration,’ says Mr. Daniel Davidson, chief engineer and financier of the idea.

'I don't deny that the Eurovision Song Contest, in its name, had an influence on the naming decision,’ Davidson clarifies.

According to Davidson, the song contest can be thanked for the new sporting event, as the basic idea of ​​both is that the name does not have to correspond to the content.

Davidson, a failed singer and a poorly accomplished athlete, has already designed the basic framework for the European Sport Contest. According to the plan, athletic performance is not important, but athletes and teams should dress in eye-catching outfits and draw attention to the spectacularity of their performance. For example, a pole vaulter gets the most points if, after crossing the bar, he continues to fly like a bird over the stadium.

'Let me clarify the basic idea. For example, in the pole vault, the highest clearance, or result, is not important. Voters and political juries in different countries decide who wins. Their vote is decisive, not the sporting performance.

image from google gemini

author: Emerick Meriwether

Only 98% of Russians will vote for Putin, according to opinion polls

Researchers in Russia have learned that Russians are becoming tired of the Limited Military Operation started over three years ago, are fed up with prices rising exponentially and are quite frankly frightened about the Ukrainian missiles destroying half the petrochemical sites in Russia.  They also are worried about the more than one million Russians who appear to have either died in combat or lost their limbs.

As a result, the polling for the 2026 elections are showing a serious downturn in support for President Putin, with expectations that the 99% support from 100% of the population likely to drop to an unprecedented 98%.  The results of next year's election are expected to be published next week, supporting these polls.

Image credit: WIX/Unsplash

Labour to lower voting age until they find a voter

Having seen his polling numbers tank, the PM is desperate to find any person naïve enough to vote for him. The hope is 16-17 year olds are just young enough not to know any better – or, at the very least, drunk on cheap cider. Allowing teenagers to vote is like giving cats your credit card - okay in principle, but don't complain when they eat all your food and still ignore you. Explained a close aide of Starmer: 'If we're going to conscript them, might as well let them vote.

'Besides, we've pegged the voting age to our popularity. Currently we're at 15%, but we reckon we can go so much lower.' Asked if they thought they would go lower: 'Now that I think about it, I suppose if your country is going to f$ck you, you should be over the age of consent.'

Picture credit: Wix AI