Sunak gets support from Tory MPs by promising an all expenses paid trip to Africa

Sources have provided details of the promises made by the Conservative leader to MPs that backed his latest immigration bill. An all-inclusive break of indeterminable length has been assured for MPs who voted correctly.

The government has invested over £2 million in overseas facilities, which includes bespoke flights and secure accommodation in the scenic plains of the Savannah. The amenities have been previewed by one of the many Home Secretaries that Sunak has available to him.

This bonus is fully government funded and taxpayers will be happy to know that there may be further use of the holiday package in the near future, law permitting.

Bizarrely, any tory MPs who voted against the bill, will probably be on the same flight out.

Photo by Sergey Pesterev on Unsplash

Glove puppets call for a show of hands in strike vote

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Fish finger pie voted most popular post-Brexit recipe

In a change from enticing viewers to attempt cooking exotic recipes from abroad, the BBC asked viewers to name the ingredients they can actually buy these days and challenged celebrity chefs to devise recipes for exciting meals which could be made from them.

Of the 3,000 suggestions received by the BBC, 2,000 suggested fish fingers.

Jamie Oliver came up with deep fried fish finger and jam sandwiches, Risk Stein chose to make his own fish fingers from turbot and razor clams, and Gordon Ramsey had a simple fish finger curry dish. Nigella Lawson’s fishy fingers pie, however, came out on top. Nigella massaged each fish finger between her breasts before slapping donkey cheese pule mash on top, and slipping it in somewhere hot.

Critics of the programme have said how out of touch the BBC is, since few people can afford pule. But the BBC responded by pointing out that viewers should consider themselves lucky they didn’t invite Heston to contribute.