Everything changes but poo - Snowdon's stra-turd-gy for growth

Welsh tourism chiefs have revealed that the sheer volume of doodoo on Snowdon is no accident - although some will have been accidents.

A spokeswoman said 'The more poop there is, the higher the mountain gets. Snowdon is top in Wales, but barely wipes the top 20 once you include the Scottish Highlands. We don't want to be turd or number 2 either, but we need 260m of faeces to catch Ben Nevis. Everything in our gift shop contains slow-acting laxatives. You've got enough time to get to the summit - nature does the rest.'

Derek Drummond from the Guinness Book of World Records said 'Total shithouses - actually I don't feel so good.'

'Is Rwanda in Wales?' Your migration questions answered

Thinking of visiting the UK? Think again. Britain is much further away then you might have expected. In fact London is situated a few degrees south of the Equator, on the border of Uganda.

Should you reach the UK you will be bundled onto a waiting aircraft, by kindly men with tasers. After a quick cavity search and interrogation, you will frog-marched to the nearest exit.

The flight will last several hours, unless you are dropped in the Mediterranean en route. You might think the bag on your head is optional. It's not.

Savana Animal - Free photo on Pixabay

Russia denies Rhyl is part of Russia

Responding to claims that Russia is preparing to annexe Rhyl, President Putin has denied that the Russian Federation has ever laid claim to the North Wales resort town. 'The wastelands of Crimea and two cess-pools that border the Soviet Un- er - Russia - sure, but Rhyl? Come-onski, not even Russia is that desperate,' he said in a live tele-message today.

President Biden has publicly stated that if Russia doesn't withdraw, then it will be forced to take control of Rhyl and, if necessary, parts of Durham. Prime Minister Johnson has insisted partitioning some of the poorest regions in the UK to Russia is tantamount to levelling up, so 'what-evs'.

Analysts believe that Russia could well stand down rather than have to divert huge numbers of its military to keep the residents of one of the UK's poorest coastal towns in check. North Wales police are believed to be crossing their fingers and toes. 'Bloody good luck to the Ruskies on Saturday nights,' said a senior North Wales police officer.

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