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Russia denies Rhyl is part of Russia

Responding to claims that Russia is preparing to annexe Rhyl, President Putin has denied that the Russian Federation has ever laid claim to the North Wales resort town. 'The wastelands of Crimea and two cess-pools that border the Soviet Un- er - Russia - sure, but Rhyl? Come-onski, not even Russia is that desperate,' he said in a live tele-message today.

President Biden has publicly stated that if Russia doesn't withdraw, then it will be forced to take control of Rhyl and, if necessary, parts of Durham. Prime Minister Johnson has insisted partitioning some of the poorest regions in the UK to Russia is tantamount to levelling up, so 'what-evs'.

Analysts believe that Russia could well stand down rather than have to divert huge numbers of its military to keep the residents of one of the UK's poorest coastal towns in check. North Wales police are believed to be crossing their fingers and toes. 'Bloody good luck to the Ruskies on Saturday nights,' said a senior North Wales police officer.

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