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Trump declares ceasefire with Belgium is over


Belgium brought this on themselves," ranted Trump at a NATO meeting in Ankara. "They broke the Memorandum of Understanding whereby if they knocked the US out of the World Cup, we'd bomb the hell out of them.


"And even if they didn't understand this at the time, they sure as hell will when half of Brussels is in ruins.


"I can't deal with them any more, they're scum," declared America's convicted criminal, scumbag president.


"Just give me time to get across the other side of the Atlantic before the bombing starts," draft dodger Trump continued. "War zones play hell with my bone spurs."


image from Grok


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‘More lethality, less lawyers’ statement widely condemned


US Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth is facing universal criticism for the appalling English used in his book, ‘The War On Warriors’. If Chapter 10 had been entitled ‘More lethality, fewer lawyers’, he may have been excused for ordering the killing of survivors of a missile attack on their boat. But it’s called ‘More lethality, less lawyers’ which clearly indicates what a dreadful human being he is.


Not many people knew of Hegseth’s book before his department started ignoring Rules Of Engagement, the Geneva Convention and its own publications on War Conduct. But an investigation into the murderous campaign to terrorise fishermen under the questionable pretext that they are all drug dealers has raised awareness of the terrible grammatical crimes committed by Hegseth.


As the investigation continues, further evidence of the misuse of the English language may emerge. And the wrath of the entire English-speaking world will descend upon Hegseth if it is revealed that he ever wrote ‘should of’ instead of ‘should have’.



Don't Let's Be Beastly To War Criminals


Senior politicians have lambasted peace protestors for being terribly rude. Pointing out that someone is a genocidal maniac is not the done thing, and such gauche behaviour is bound to ruin the garden party and upset the vicar.


Their "un-British" antics are the equivalent of passing the cucumber sandwiches in the wrong direction, while taking a shit on the Magna Carta. Said one Minister: 'It's almost like these people were trying to draw attention to their cause.'


'How dare they suggest that Tony Blair is a murderer or that killing babies is wrong. That's just the sort of tactless behaviour I would expect from someone from a local comprehensive. Is it too much to ask that people show good table manners and ignore any International Arrest Warrants?"




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