Updated: 5 days ago
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The Independent Meteorological Service, AKA Dave's dad, has forecast swathes of snow to cross all the important parts of the UK in the early part of January. The parts regarded as important almost certainly include parts you might be interested in, or possibly near to parts you might be interested in.
'The snow will be ten units deep,' he said, declining to say if the units are inches or centimetres. It could be Smurfs. It will travel south from the north, and west from the east although there is some potential variability in these directions - travel north from the south is a possibility.
Temperatures will drop to minus ten degrees, or 474 degrees Rankine for any scientists still working in old absolute money. Unless the minus ten refers to Fahrenheit, in which case all bets are off and it probably won't even snow.
Snow is the most excitable temperature related weather item known to climate change deniers, with a ten minute snowfall in York being cited as evidence against the argument for Climate Change whereas entire ice masses in the artic melting before our eyes is 'just one of them things', said Dave's dad, urging everyone to ignore the warnings, buy a snow shovel (links below) and to buy Dave a beer next time you see him.
Dave's dad is a journalist (sic) working for the Daily Mail.
After eight years of 'will they, won't they', 'on-off' drama, typical of a national weather forecaster, the fractured relationship between the Met Office and the BBC has apparently been healed.
'The Met Office was too woke and apparently voted Remain,' said a BBC spokesman. 'But now they have turned their back on DEI, pronouns and weather reports that aren't newsworthy we've decided to kiss and make up,' he added.
A Met Office Spokesperson appeared to have a different view of the monumental reunion. 'We felt the BBC was presenting a warm front, was handling high pressure well and we understood they regretted voting to Leave,' he/she said. 'We have agreed to sex the weather report up a bit, but only if they return our Velcro weather symbols to front and centre of the weather report,' the spokesperson said, tightening his/her tie while straightening his/her skirt. 'At least cardboard weather symbols are gender neutral, unlike that macho AI inspired CGI rubbish,' he/she added.
'And apparently, tonight, for the first time, just about half past ten, for the first time in history it's gonna start raining cis gender males.'
There are rumours that the relationship might be more off than on. Cardboard Velcro-backed dark clouds might be gathering.
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