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Met Office issues "boring weather" warning for most of year

Sir Lupus
6 days ago

Following a winter of storm warnings and a summer of heat wave alerts, the Met Office has today announced a series of warnings of "depressingly underwhelming" weather covering the entire rest of the year.

Apart from a few more furnace-like heat waves, most of the summer is classed as "fair to middling". The autumn is forecast to be " dull, damp and slightly dismal", and the winter "tediously cold, but then again not that bad".

"Brits run the risk of running out of weather worth taking about " said Dr Adele Hubert of the Met Office's Cultural Forecasting department. "With many days expected to be " 'extremely average', even saying that it's a bit cold - or hot - for the time of year will be demonstrably untrue."

However, all is not lost. In tests, 6 out of 10 Brits were able to make more than a month's conversation out of just one extreme weather event - and 9 out of 10 could not understand the concept of weather too dull to talk about.

Lighthouse Coast Ocean - Free photo on Pixabay

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First published 20 Jul 2022

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Prominent Youtuber Explains Current Heatwave

cliveoseman
Jul 10

Youtuber Arthur Brain has posted a video explaining to his three million subscribers just why the third heatwave of the UK summer is proof that his theory is correct and the bunkum about global warming spouted by 'scientists' is pure fantasy

Brain, 19, maintains that the sun has actually been moved closer to Earth by God because too many people moaned about the cold.

'It's obvious' he said, 'The sun was a safe distance of 93 miles from Earth and has been moved 5 miles and is now only 88 miles away. Try looking at it. You can't, can you? It appears so much brighter than it used to be. Scientists claim that it is 93 MILLION miles away. How absurd. Do they really think it would be visible from 93 million miles away?

And how on Earth could they measure that distance? They must think we're stupid. To see it from 93 million miles away you would have to at least use a telescope and crane your neck. The ONLY way to get God to put the Sun back in its usual place is to pray to him begging forgiveness for scientists, and to send me money in order that I can continue to expose the lies.'

image from Google Gemini

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Met Office issues bland weather warning

rogt
Jul 3

As the heatwave recedes, the Met Office has issued a rare, bland weather warning for most of the UK. A bland weather warning means there is a danger to motivation with many people saying they can’t be bothered going into work and describing it as if someone has lain a damp unwashed dish cloth over their hopes and aspirations.

'The area affected by the bland weather warning can be seen in beige, shown here as a pale sort of yellowy, sandy, grey, almost like an off-white,' explained BBC weather forecaster Tomasz Schafernaker. 'Temperatures are expected to peak at around 16 or 17 degrees centigrade, unusually low for this time of year.'

The Met Office has also declared the weather for the final week of June as the most boring recorded since records began. But when asked to check the earlier records the staff in question responded, 'Can’t this wait, it just feels too dull out there, it’s like there’s a grey sheet over everything, it feels muggy, but also like it might rain, and I feel tired, like I’m coming down with something…'

Image credit: deep dream generator (which clearly doesn't understand thermometers)

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