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Updated: Jun 22, 2022
Forecasters are warning that annoying weather-talk will reach a new high this afternoon at around 3pm. Office bores and bosses without imagination are due to mention the heat and refer to their iPhone temperature apps as often as every 10 minutes in some UK cities.
Met Office spokesperson Gillian McMillan said: “Office workers need to brace themselves for banter that includes phrases like ‘It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity’, ‘It’s hotter than Ibiza’ and ‘Maybe we should invest in air conditioning one day’. All of which will sap the already limp office atmosphere.”
To take shelter from poor quality chat, people are advised to wear headphones, steer clear of elevators where possible and to avoid calling the IT Helpdesk.
Gary Harris from the Unite union says workers should also be aware that bosses often use poor quality weather talk as an excuse to manipulate workers. “On days like today, many workers are bought things like free ice creams in order to distract them from the fact their boss is a dick. We’d like to remind workers that although you may now have a free ice cream, your boss is still a dick.
“You will be able to tell how much a dick your boss is by the number of times he says phrases like ‘there is no maximum temperature before we have to send you home’ and ‘the heat really IS on now, eh team?’.
Chipchase - Jun 17, 2021
Updated: Jun 21, 2022
Britain's newest TV news channel, GB News, has announced that it will only be covering British weather, adding those seeking to find out what's happening on the Costas will have to look elsewhere.
A channel spokesman said: 'Why would anyone want to go abroad when there are sometimes as many as two days a year when our weather comes vaguely close to that of Marbella and all those other so-called holiday hot spots?'
'Britain's got it all here on our doorstep. Rain, hail, wind, fog and mist; with the mercury often rising as high as 9 degrees Celsius in July and August. Add our shabby seaside resorts into the heady mix, with games arcades and mutant flocks of dive-bombing seagulls nicking greasy fish and chips and burgers left right and centre, then what more could anyone want?'
'We won't glamourise European holiday destinations. Why give your hard-earned cash to the Spanish, Portuguese, Greeks or other foreigners? GB News says spend it here and keep our grim, tawdry and rundown resorts flourishing, and in the state of grubby squalour that makes us the talk of the world.'
'So if you want to know what the weather's doing in foreign climes, then you should watch an actual real TV station... err... no... wait a minute... can you cut that bit please?
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