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Wes Streeting has outlined some of Labour’s plans for the much-needed reforms the NHS needs, and told Newsbiscuit that the clever use of technology will be a key feature in delivering these reforms.


“We’ve been talking to leaders in the fields of technology that people already possess, to ascertain how it can be integrated into proving them with better health outcomes and among these that phone manufacturers like Apple are keen to provide is the ability to use their phones to X-ray themselves with.” he said.


Mr Cook, Apple’s head chef, told us the technology has always been available on iPhone pro models, but they were holding back on unlocking it until the NHS became so dire under the Tories that people would be prepared to pay the unlocking fee, and of course upgrade to a pro model if they'd been silly enough to buy the shit versions.


Other NHS reforms being considered, is allowing Amazon to deliver healthcare treatment with online orders.


An Amazon spokesbot said “We have drivers delivering goods to every street in the country, every day of the year. It would be far more efficient to make use of our workforce to deliver healthcare as well, instead of the palaver people have getting GP appointments. People would just need to order goods to a value of £250 and tick the box requesting the driver gives you the once over when he calls. If the driver thinks you need medications, they would automatically be delivered by drone the same day.





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Following the success of Reform Limited in fielding a defective, sorry defecting, sorry - correct on both counts - MP, two councillors and a single London Assembly member the Labour Party has panicked and has decided to follow the trend to create a limited company. 


Labour Party members will be offered the opportunity to buy shares, vote at AGMs which the directors will ignore as in all well-run limited companies (and coincidentally in the current Labour Party), and instead of a shadow cabinet the organisation will have directors with Keir Starmer as Chairman, Rachel Reeves as Company Secretary and Wes Streeting the director responsible for taking the blame when HMRC come knocking.


The new organisation will be listed on the Bonn Exchange and insiders say the new name, Labour Very Limited, is a good description of what it will be able to do once it inherits the mess the Tories are leaving.

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