Jenkyns to recapture Britain's 'glorious past' by getting back in the kitchen

Political migrant Andrea Jenkyns has celebrated becoming a Mayor for the second party of her career by announcing a campaign to 'reset Britain to its glorious past'. A party spokesperson has clarified that this means that, as a working class woman, she will immediately be resigning her seat as an MP and her right to vote, and going back to work as a kitchen maid. Whether Ms Jenkyns will also be confined to a workhouse for having a child out of wedlock is not yet known.

'Andrea is keen to recapture the spirit of Empire' continued Sir Arthur Notwithstanding 'which kept foreigners in their place, i.e. foreignland, and oiks like her firmly in theirs - scrubbing floors and dishes, possibly in a slightly saucy outfit. Excuse me one moment.'

Image: WixAI

Woman who tricked her way into men-only condiments shop finally allowed in

World Monopoly Championship urged not to allow transgender participants

Hasbro has been urged to change its "unfair" rule which allows transgender people to compete in the world championships of its popular board game 'Monopoly'.

The women's rights group 'We're Not Rampant Hate-Filled Homophobes, Honest!'  are demanding that the competition scraps rules which allow transgender women to compete after discovering one beat two women in one of the heats back in 2019.

Group leader Miriam McBadtooth stated "it's bad enough that these so-called women are allowed to play Monopoly anyway, but to put them in a position where they can defeat biological women despite the massive physical advantage they must have rolling the dice is just ridiculous. We're calling on Hasbro to do the right thing, especially now we've got the courts and the right-wing newspapers on our side".

Tensions were further heightened when it was discovered that in a recent game played by the Hounslow Monopoly League a transgender woman was sent to Jail by a Community Chest card at the same time there was already a biological woman there who had been imprisoned for a different offence (throwing three doubles in a row), forcing them to share a cell for a turn. 

This comes hot on the heels of the group making similar requests of the International Poker Association, the European Boggle Tournament and the UK Pictionary Competition.

image from pixabay

author: watchermark