World hoping Iran less psychotic than USA & Israel

President Trump is basing his strategy, on the hope that Iran will NOT do what the US/Israel has been doing. Straight from the 'please-turn-the-other-cheek-so-I-can-get--a-really-good-thwack-at-the-other-one' school of diplomacy. As one aide pointed out: ‘It’s not WWIII if the other side forget to respond.’

This puts the Iranian Regime in the unenviable position of having to be the bigger man, while having the $hit bombed out of them. The US was clear: ‘We will not tolerate the proliferation of nuclear bombs and wanton destruction in the Middle East, unless it is done by us, or our mates in Tel Aviv.

‘Iran needs to be grateful that we are breaking every international law, just to free them. Free them from their oil reserves that is.’

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@me_is_jesse

WW3 postponed due to ban on Arabic numerals

As US President Donald Trump personally deploys bunker busting bombs on Iran by leaning out of a B2 bomber, critics who claim he is kick-starting the next World War have been told it isn't true.

'I have signed an Executive Order today banning the numbers used in World Wars belonging to the United States as historically the losers who named them used Arabic numerals. Hence I have insisted that this big, beautiful World War I have started bigly is to be numbered in American numerals. Nobody can start a World War better than me,' added the President.

Experts have tried pointing out that historically Roman numerals have frequently been used, such as World War I and World War II. 'This would make it World War III,' pointed out one expert. An Executive Order banning the use of either 4 or IV after the words 'World War' is considered entirely unnecessary.

Photo by Karl Callwood on Unsplash

Trump aims for Nobel Peace Prize by causing Armageddon

White House officials were quick to confirm that President Trump's decision to involve US Forces in bombing Iranian Nuclear Sites was all part of his plan to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

'The Romans said, "if you want peace, prepare for war,'" said Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt in a rare moment of lucidity yesterday. 'The President is well-prepared for conflict and the potential death of many across the world is a sacrifice he's willing to make. Once the dust settles and there's an inability to have any future military engagements because we've been returned to prehistoric times, the Nobel committee will have no option but to give him the Peace Prize. That's the difference between the former short term thinking of Presidents like Barack Obama and Joe Biden, and strategists like Donald Trump.'

The US Department of Defense confirmed it is planning for retaliation from Iran and the possibility of Nuclear Armageddon, and already planning for any post-apocalyptic gaps by stockpiling iodine pills, potable water, and big planks with nails in them.

With all modern communication methods likely to be destroyed in World War III, it's unclear how news will reach Washington DC from The Nobel Committee in Stockholm. However, it is also rumoured the US Government is asking all winners of a place in the Boston Marathon Ballot to report to West Point Military Academy immediately.

photo: Photo by Luke Jernejcic on Unsplash