A bible reading from the Book of Epic Fury

And it came to pass that Israel, spoilt child of America, waxed exceeding wrath at the Persians and smote them with all the stuff that America had given them.

And lo, they slew the supreme leader, whereupon they and their sugar daddy Donald fell to gloating and cackling whilst amongst the chief Persians there was a wailing and a gnashing of teeth.

And then the Persians waxed wrath and smote all the countries around them which were America's allies - which wasn't the plan. Verily, it was not the plan at all.

Then the neighbouring countries waxed wrath at America and their batshit crazy leader Donald, saying unto him:

'Behold the state of these luxury hotels which the Persians smote in retaliation for you smiting them.

'Who in the name of arse is going to stay in them now? You've totally ruined our tourist industry, you demented monkey boy.

'Now sod off out of our lands and take all your naval bases and air bases with you. With friends like you, who needs bleeding enemies?

And Donald waxed wrath at this unintended consequence, and wailed and gnashed his teeth for forty days and nights on Fox News. But verily, he had no one to blame but his stupid self.

Here endeth the lesson.

World hoping Iran less psychotic than USA & Israel

President Trump is basing his strategy, on the hope that Iran will NOT do what the US/Israel has been doing. Straight from the 'please-turn-the-other-cheek-so-I-can-get--a-really-good-thwack-at-the-other-one' school of diplomacy. As one aide pointed out: ‘It’s not WWIII if the other side forget to respond.’

This puts the Iranian Regime in the unenviable position of having to be the bigger man, while having the $hit bombed out of them. The US was clear: ‘We will not tolerate the proliferation of nuclear bombs and wanton destruction in the Middle East, unless it is done by us, or our mates in Tel Aviv.

‘Iran needs to be grateful that we are breaking every international law, just to free them. Free them from their oil reserves that is.’

Photo: https://unsplash.com/@me_is_jesse

WW3 postponed due to ban on Arabic numerals

As US President Donald Trump personally deploys bunker busting bombs on Iran by leaning out of a B2 bomber, critics who claim he is kick-starting the next World War have been told it isn't true.

'I have signed an Executive Order today banning the numbers used in World Wars belonging to the United States as historically the losers who named them used Arabic numerals. Hence I have insisted that this big, beautiful World War I have started bigly is to be numbered in American numerals. Nobody can start a World War better than me,' added the President.

Experts have tried pointing out that historically Roman numerals have frequently been used, such as World War I and World War II. 'This would make it World War III,' pointed out one expert. An Executive Order banning the use of either 4 or IV after the words 'World War' is considered entirely unnecessary.

Photo by Karl Callwood on Unsplash