With the talks between Putin and Trump in Alaska to shaft Ukraine looking unlikely President Trump has lamented the lost opportunity for him to win the Nobel Peace Prize, an award he believes should be his. Consequently he has tasked Pete Hegseth to draw up plans to invade Norway to extract the Peace Prize for him, by force.
The Norwegian Nobel Committee has convened and is proposing a sixth Nobel prize to the existing five - Peace, Physics, Chemistry, Medicine and Literature - the Nobel Irony Prize. 'We could have awarded the literature prize for the Art of the Deal,' suggested a Nobel Committee spokesman, 'but given the way he is wrecking the US economy that would also translate into irony as well.'
Donald Trump continues to outwit the bookies, with a series of moves that no-one saw coming. Like sacking the head of the army, calling Zelensky a dictator, voting with Russia in the UN and lying his face off in front of Emmanuel Macron. If you’d predicted all those things, then an accumulator bet would have made you very rich.
So, if you fancy your chances, bookies are offering good odds on the next bizarre moves by the orange man baby. Here’s a quick rundown:
5-4 odds: Â Trump claims Australia (and all its minerals), saying that all native Australians are descended from Native Americans who crossed the pacific in small boats in the 12th century.
2-1:Â Trump reintroduces segregation. This time it is for non-Americans, especially Mexicans and Canadians, and for anyone who is LGBTQ. Planes, trains and buses must have separate seats, toilets and in flight snacks for true Americans.
5-2:Â Trump amends the US Constitution to allow him a third term. And a fourth. And a fifth.
3-1:Â Trump refuses to assist LA after the devastating fires, saying that it was all due to Democrat policies.
4-1:Â Trump demands that the firstborn in each household is slain. For non-American households only, obviously.
5-1:Â Trump starts holding all meetings naked, saying that nakedness is simply a logical extension of free speech
6-1: Trump nominates himself to be the next Pope and/or to be America’s first king
10-1:Â Trump and Putin agree to share the moon, and tell India and China that they already owe the US a considerable amount in parking fines and penalties for the abandoned space vehicles up there.
12-1:  Trump demands, and is given, the Oscar for best President. JD Vance gets best supporting President.
14-1:Â Trump demands a rematch against the Sioux and Arapahoe tribes in Battle of the Little Bighorn 2, and that this is filmed for Netflix
15-1: Trump sells Truth Social to Elon Musk for billions
16-1:Â Trump tries to sell Jordan (the country) to Syria
1,000,000-1:Â Trump stops lying and being a git and apologises for everything