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£3,000 birthing budget used to fund sneaky spa weekend

The NHS in England may soon regret allowing pregnant women to allocate their own healthcare allowance; with many predicting a rise in subsidized trips to Selfridges. Indeed, some women have already opted to economize on maternity facilities by birthing in a skip and using the remaining cash to fund ‘one incredible night in Las Vegas’.

This notional budget was only meant for NHS-accredited services, but many have seen it as carte-blanche to get the loft extension fixed or go to town on booze, fags and lottery tickets. Male partners have suggested that such a scheme is wasteful and that the priority should be the health of the child and ‘buying a new Xbox’. Although not all mothers-to-be have been so cynical, one explained: ‘I’ve invested two thousand, nine hundred pounds on an epidural filled with crystal meth. And if that doesn’t numb the pain, I’ve spent the last hundred quid on a large polo mallet’.

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