A spokesman for the unnamed desert kingdom explained: ‘What better way to preserve freedom and justice than by repealing freedom and justice. Those other guys are trying to undermine our liberties with the use of terror. But what if we undermine them first? Oh yes, a double-bluff. The old switcheroo! There is a big difference between civilised nations employing torture and barbarous groups like ISIS. For a start, we are so much better at it.
‘Also, it is unacceptable for people to be executed and footage to be uploaded on to YouTube. Everyone knows you are going to get jumpy framerates, poor image quality and unfavourable comments. ISIS will never be a civilised until they can kill people in HD surround sound’.