A Conservative spokeswoman said: ‘Recent extreme weather conditions, high tides and huge waves should encourage people off benefits and on to large floating rafts - or at least, force them to huddle for warmth on top Ben Nevis. Severe coastal erosion will certainly lower house prices, increase fish stocks and remove the threat of Jim Davidson appearing in seaside towns. Whilst welfare claimants will be given the golden opportunity to return to work or develop gills’.
