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Blue Peter to bury Tim Peake in his capsule.

Originally it was to be housed at the Science Museum to represent UK innovation but dumping it in landfill felt more symbolic of our post-Brexit future. Using his space capsule as futuristic coffin, Mr. Peake’s mummified remains will be entombed in the Blue Peter garden, with a petri dish of Petra and a lock of John Noakes’ hair.

Bound and gagged, Mr. Peake was unavailable for comment, but the BBC assured the gathered press that this was not be the first time they had buried dissenters. ‘It’s an exciting opportunity to preserve items that may not be around in the future, so we’ll also be burying the NHS, affordable mortgages and national pride’.

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