Prime Minister and fully functioning Beano character Boris Johnson has launched a top-level inquiry into the apparent loss of a large amount of newly built hospitals.
‘Dash it all, this is completely unacceptable,’ bumbled his Royal Highness. ‘We’ve spent almost as much on new hospitals as we did refurbishing the Downing Street flat. I’ve asked that Saj fellow what on earth has happened, and all he does is blame Hancock and imply that we’ve sold them to the Chinese. To stop them from leaving the country, I’ve instructed the Home Secretary to hand out leaflets at airports, intercept French trawlers and blame care home staff just in case.
‘They’ve completely disappeared from the spreadsheets, and I’m standing up at PMQ’s to ask myself some jolly tricky questions.
'I have a sneaky suspicion it’s the same foreign Johnnies who have stolen 20,000 brand new police officers, but we’ll wait for the results of the inquiry, which I’ve fast-tracked to report back within the normal 15-year time frame.’