Braverman announces all new migrants to fight in Ukraine



Suella Braverman has dramatically announced that with immediate effect any migrants entering Britain via small boats will be conscripted to fight in Ukraine, under her command.


The shock new policy is part of a joint taskforce between Volodymir Zelensky and the British Government, with Braverman actually taking up an on-the-ground role directing Operations in the war-torn country.


"We have been invaded, of this there is no doubt." explained a spokesman for the Ukraine President yesterday to reporters, "Under these circumstances our namby pamby Generals and Colonels, they don't understand the seriousness of the situation - we need a person who really feels the danger of intruders invading your country, and Ms. Braverman, from what we understand, is that person. We hear she will fight ruthlessly to repel anyone from our borders - men, women or children - to her it does not matter. This is the kind of leader we need." -


Instead of supplying their own army to do this, and the President did offer, the Home Office have said they will provide a fighting fit force, particularly adept in small-boat manouvers, ready to start straight away and were being flown out of an "unmarked" army base in Manston in the UK, immediately. "We had no idea you had this kind of force ready to roll" commented the spokesman, "We thought Manston was some kind of centre for desperate refugees, but Suella told us in fact this is an invasion training base and they are ready to go within 24 hours."


The details of the policy were revealed in an email from Ms Bravermans hotmail account to reporters last night. "This Conservative government has always been a compassionate and caring Government", it read, "and we commit not only to accept our refugees with open arms, but we will provide them with the skills and training they need to be a success in life. This new policy, which is a joint effort between us and Ukraine, with additional donations also being provided from the Wagner group, will help us deliver for Britain".


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