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Brexiteers slowly returning to the primordial soup claims leading anthropologist

Updated: Dec 9, 2021

A leading anthropologist has put forward the theory that people who voted in favour of Britain leaving the European Union in 2016 are gradually returning to the primordial soup where life is believed to have begun around 3.8 billion years ago.

Professor Tobias Dell said that within the next few years all Brexiteers will have returned to single-cell organisms where they will continue to exist in the primordial soup.

"Thousands of Brexiteers have already been spotted crawling on all-fours across the Serengeti Plain in Africa where the primordial soup is located," he told assembled scientists at an international geography conference.

"It's a bit like the behaviour of, The Skeksis out of The Dark Crystal when they all felt some strange inexorable force drawing them back to the place of their creation.

"It's my view, that by 2024, pretty much all of them will have been reduced to floating on the surface of the water gazing sightlessly at the sky, with absolutely no cognisance of the world around them.

"A bit like Young Conservatives in the hotel pool when they're on holiday."

A spokesman for the fiercely pro-Brexit, United Kingdom Independence Party, hit back furiously at the professor's remarks.

"Primordial soup? Never! We only have good old proper British soup like oxtail or cockaleekie in my house!"

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