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  • Myke

Britain to be broken up and sold for parts



A spokesman for the business secretary, Grant Schnapps, has said he did ‘nothing wrong’ by selling the UK to a dodgy scrap dealer he met in a pub. The Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards has confirmed the arrangement was registered and is above board and hunky dory. Mr Schnapps said he chose the scrap dealer because he offers value for money to the British taxpayer.


Mr Schnapps was introduced to the man in a pub by a man hoping to become the Chairman of the BBC, Richard Shark. The would-be Chairman insists he did ‘nothing wrong’ and the Broadcasting Standards Authority has confirmed the arrangement is above board and hunky dory. Mr Shark said he chose the scrap dealer because he offered value for money to the license fee payer.


The scrap dealer will begin dismantling the UK by next Friday at the latest. He has agreed to turn a blind eye to awkward paperwork and all that EU red tape. He insists he did ‘nothing wrong’ and the Scrap Dealer Standards Commissioner has confirmed the arrangement is registered, beyond reproach, and hunky dory. Mr Kray's yard offers value for money to the British taxpayer.


A government press officer declined to comment as he was too busy removing the editors of the Daily Mail and Express from his rectum.



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