Burnham promises hot weather for everyone
- Wrenfoe
- 2 minutes ago
- 1 min read
In a bold policy announcement the new PM said he would guarantee hose pipe bans for 23 million people. As he toured Britain he claimed that he would ensure no rain for even the poorest and that amber heat-warnings would be made affordable for all. Opposition leaders countered by saying he was just taking credit for things already happening, while the Green Party suggested that 35C might not be good — but who listens to them anyway.
Sceptics had suggested that the extreme weather was due to decades of climate change, but Burnham insisted that it was his bold vision that was setting the nation alight — literally. A spokeswoman said, ‘Too long have we suffered with full reservoirs and a lack of skin cancer, but thanks to Andy the UK will soon become a world leader.’
Only Labour would ensure an uncomfortable night’s sleep, she explained, ‘Yes, the National Farmers Union are warning of food shortages, but look—at least the drought is giving potatoes a chance to become instant crisps.’ Meanwhile the PM said it was his plan all along to make the bikini the national dress and boost the aircon sector. ‘Everyone’s laundry dries so fast it’s basically solar powered ironing’.
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