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Call for ministers to offer 24/7 dumb-f$ckery

Data suggests a sharp decline in moronic decisions from Saturday to Sunday, leading to unsustainable levels of happiness throughout the nation and the accusation that the Government are only 'part-time f$ckwits'.

This is despite MPs having taken the Hypocritical Oath ‘to do no discernible good’; which is followed by induction training in embezzlement, perversion and lethargy. One concerned voter demanded more purveyors of the asinine: ‘We want MPs to spread their incompetence more evenly over the week. They are delegating serious moments of ineptitude to junior officials or a faeces-hurling chimps. Many are only tw@ts on weekdays.'

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