Russia has denied massing mediocre pop groups on the borders with Europe, claiming the manoeuvres are a ‘special musical operation’. Russia insists it only wants to liberate elderly Russian folk dancers who are being oppressed by their angry neighbours. Western powers believe Putin is seeking revenge after the state-sponsored group, Willy Riot, was banned from this year’s Eurovision contest.
Border guards in Poland and Estonia have reported hearing boom-bang-a-bangs and are preparing for a full-on assault on their earholes. The US and Germany have agreed to supply their allies with ear plugs and state-of-the-art anti-folk dancing systems.
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