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Chancellor’s ingenious plan to ‘get Britain moving’

The Chancellor has found an ingenious way to instantly boost the economy by 10% at virtually no cost. This is achieved by raising all 20mph speed limits by 10%, to 22mph. This bold and innovative move will speed up the movement of supplies to factories, finished products to shops, and will speed up consumers’ journeys to and from the shops. Indeed, all economic sectors will benefit.

Economists agree that the move will definitely boost productivity – but probably not by a full 10% as some speed limits will remain unchanged. Experts are forecasting the actual boost to be between 0.003% and 8.191919%. Tory strategists believe that the new policy will be particularly popular in Wales and will lessen enthusiasm for Welsh independence.

The Labour Party was wrong-footed by this innovative plan and could only mutter about increasing road casualties, as 22mph impacts are slightly more serious than crashes at 20mph. Labour have not ruled out reversing the policy after the next election. George Galloway has complained that the initiative ‘does nothing for Gaza’.

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Mar 24

Plan to ‘get Britain moving’? I was expecting something about senna pods

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