Chancellor of the Exchequer John Healey has enraged Secretary of Defence John Healey by refusing to raise defence spending to 3% of GDP.
Healey's offices clarified - again - that Dennis Healey died in 2015, before issuing parallel statements:
'I cannot support my own policy that I completely support. Therefore I must resign in an attempt to force my own resignation thus supporting whatever it was. If that doesn't work, I'll try the opposite. Sorry, what was the question?'
'Look, there's only enough money in the defence budget for me to buy a knife so that I can stick in my own back.'
Image: File:Defense Secretary of the United Kingdom John Healey first visit to DC July 2024 - 6.jpg - Wikimedia Commons
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Because Paul is wealthy and more likely to vote Conservative in the long run, where as Peter is hard up, and only voted for the Tories to teach Jeremy Corbyn a lesson.
'Think of me as a sort of Reverse Robin Hood,' said the former Chancellor as he called his men to a the tavern on the leafy green, for a very agreeable Prosecco and some vol-au-vents.
He continued, 'I wish to be loved by the rich, feared by the poor, obviously not by Liz Truss, Jacob Rees Mogg and his cohort, though.'
The statement has been roundly condemned by the church, Friar Tuck, who prefers 'a good, honest pint, and a ploughman's lunch', slammed his flagon on the table clearly incandescent with rage..
'I actually hate both of them,' admitted the Sheriff of Nottingham, 'So keep me out of this.'
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First published 8 Aug 2022
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