Researchers claim that wild chimpanzees have a lexicon of 66 gestures designed to explain the bewildering behaviour of America’s favourite actress and lush. Her non-verbal communication extends to urinating into cups, posting bail and – just like chimps - exposing her buttocks.
Though a series of signs, one chimp was able to comment: ‘She’s not so different from us you know. She has mastered rudimentary tools, she uses sex to resolve conflict and she has a decidedly hairy back. Although we were slightly nonplussed when she chose to hurl faeces with Charlie Sheen in Scary Movie 5’.